Ahhhhh, A New Year. Where did 2012 go? A lot happened in the year 2012. The world ending was what I was MOST prepared for. There were ups and there were downs. There were moves. One only 114 miles away from my home. The other move was 1783 miles away from home. It has found me in an interesting melting pot which is called Texas. It is a pretty big state, but all in all I love it down here in the Lone Star State.
As I am writing this today, Curmudgeon # 2 is watching a Sesame Street Episode about having healthy teeth. It really makes a person wonder how people come up with ideas. Captain Super Ultra Mega Smile Man. It doesn't get much better than him dancing around to a song called "Brush, Brush, Brush your teeth", to the tune of Katy Perry's "E.T." Quite funny actually. He is so trying to be "healthy". This is what they teach him in school, which is good for me because Curmudgeon #1 is the pickiest eater I have ever met. Some days I cant handle it, like this morning. The child survives on peanut butter and honey sandwiches at school. He HAS to be sick of eating it because I am sick of making it. He actually tasted a Cherry Frosted Pop Tart today and said it was disgusting. I just looked at him and walked away so I wouldn't loose my mind at 6a.m. this morning.
I am on a health kick. Which means my entire family better be along for the ride. I am done buying crap at the store and so if you come to my house and want something to eat, you better be prepared for some fresh fruit and veggies and nuts and grains. I am trying to get on the "Clean Eating" kick. It is really hard when you give birth to picky asses. It will all work out in the end, I guess.
In my quest for getting healthy, I went to Walmart today to buy a bathroom scale. I had one. Key word.... HAD. I broke it. The thing made me angry. I hated it. What a pain in the ass it was. It was the one with just a dial on it but it had the little markers so you could keep track of your progress. I didn't keep track of my progress, I kept tracks of the husbands. He is truly a pain in the ass. He would have one on one number and another on a slightly smaller number. My little marker was about 2 inches past his... not on the down side. UGH. Like I said, I hate scales. Which is funny. I am a Libra. My sign is a scale. I balance things out. I love being a Libra. I love the balance. Anyway, I bought an LED scale. It doesn't have makers. The only evidence there will be of my weight is the goal line on my Fitness Pal, which ironically went up since I bought the scale about 2 hours ago. Sorry, I lost track. So I went to Walmart in search of the scale I read the reviews for last night. You would think the "BATHROOM" scales would be... I don't know... lets say... in the BATH department. Ya. Then I remember, "Oh ya. I am in Walmart, use your brain where other people possible haven't". All I find in the BATH department are things you would find in your bathroom. You know... Towels, waste baskets, toothbrush holders, that kind of stuff. I then have the great thought they would be over where they sell the shelves and extra stuff you would put in your BATHROOM.... A whole different department clear on the other side of the store. I searched. Guess what I came up with? NOTHING. As I am thinking to myself, while standing by the toilet seats, what would happen if I started screaming "ALL I WANT IS A BATHROOM SCALE AND A FREAKING WALMART EMPLOYEE TO BE AVAILABLE AND READY TO ASSIST WHEN I NEED ONE". The thought crossed my mind and then I remembered I had Jaymeson with me and he could learn some potentially bad behavior and since I am really working on him not throwing fits, I figured it would be best if I didn't. But seriously, it seems like the only time you are ever approached by a Walmart employee asking if you need help finding something is when you are in the tampon section or buying yeast infection cream. And then of course, it is either someone you see every morning at Starbucks or they are ridiculously good looking. So, I put off my search for the perfect bathroom scale in search for the perfect Walmart employee to direct me in the direction I need to go. Of course, there are NONE to be found. I must have "that look" on my face because a nice gentleman approaches me and asks if I need help with something. Of course, he isn't in the "Walmart Blue" or anything but he has emerged from the Electronic Department. Remember the statement above about being ridiculously good looking? Yes, that happens here. You have to remember, I have had NO motivation. Not even to shower. So, I have my hair slicked back in a pony tail and I have a hat on my head and I am wearing none other than yoga pants, a tank and a hoodie (it seems that is all i wear anymore). No make up. Nothing. Actually, I had been cleaning the house before I went to Walmart and I am sure I didn't even use deodorant today. So this was the conversation I had with the "ridiculously good looking sales person from Walmart, also known as RGLSPFW";
RGLSPFW: "How may I help you?"
ME: "All I want is a bathroom scale."
RGLSPFW: "Like the kind you stand on to weigh your self?"
ME: Thinking to myself to actually say no the kind you hang your fish from, but I don't and I say ever so politely "Yes, that kind."
RGLSPFW: "They are right over here by the toilet seats."
ME: "That is ridiculous. I looked there, there aren't there." (Remembering my little tantrum I wanted to throw a few minutes before this)
RGLSPFW: "Well that is weird, they were here just three days ago. I bought one myself. Trying to get in shape and needed a scale"
ME: Thinking to myself that he really probably doesn't need to get in shape but is looking at me and just wanted to make me feel good about buying a scale.
RGLSPFW: "Can you stand here for a minute and I will find the scales for you? I will be right back."
ME: "Yes, I will stand right here."
So here is me waiting for a few minutes.
RGLSPFW: "I found them. You wont believe where they are. The are over in the automotive section."
ME: "OK. I have heard it all for a day. Automotive? Really? That is sort of ridiculous."
RGLSPFW: "Well instead of putting it in your bathroom, maybe you can put it in your garage."
Me thinking to myself... Cute.. he has a sense of humor.
RGLSPFW: "This is the scale I bought. If you need any more help, you know where to find me."
ME: "Yep. Electronics."
RGLSPFW: "I actually don't work here. I work at Time Warner Cable. Here is my card if you ever need anything."
ME: Thanks, you." (As I feel like Vivian in Pretty Woman when Edward hands her his business card, minus the whole prostitute thing).
How nice was it for some guy to help me out and not even work there. I have no idea if he went on the search for a Walmart employee or if he decided to search for the scales on his own. Either way, I have decided that the Angel Therapy I do on a daily basis is working. Some guardian angel saw that I was about to blow in the toilet seat section at Walmart. Lucky for me and the others around that didn't happen.
Oh ya, I haven't mentioned yet that I am working with around 1200 calories a day and none of them are from coffee, so me being so irrational in the toilet seat section makes a lot of sense to me. I think I will up my calories and treat myself to a coffee and see what happens.
Anyway, here is hoping you are having a fabulous new year and that you can also find your guardian angels in the place you least expect them. Oh ya... and if you are single and thinking about throwing yourself out in the dating world, may I suggest you hang in the Electronics Department at Walmart. You never know where you will meet "Mr. Right", or for some of you, " Mr. Good Enough For Right Now".
Friday, January 11, 2013
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Where are the baby dragons?
There are so many things to explore down here and I feel like I have no time to explore anything. With Matt being off for so many days and now the kids are out of school for a few weeks and after they trashed the house yesterday, I couldn't stand being in the house for another day with them so I looked into going on an outing today. I kind of let the boys decide. Their choices were:
1. Go to the San Antonio Zoo
2. Go to the Natural Bridge Caverns
3. Go to MacCallister Park for a bike ride
One boy decided the Zoo sounded great and the other boy thought a bike ride would be perfect. I was really hoping they would pick the Caverns. So I sort of helped them agree on the Caverns. I told them that we were going to walk to the center of the earth and we would most definitely see dinosaur bones. That did it. That was their decision. We piled in the car and off we drove 19 miles away from our cozy little apartment. Here are a few highlights on our little outing.
Our youngest child, known as Moe to a lot of his friends and family has taken up a nasty new habit of licking and sucking on his fingers. Oh Ok... not just his fingers. I have caught him with his whole hand in his mouth and an occasional toe. He loves to slurp and he will slurp your arm, leg, face... what ever he finds convenient to slurp. So today, when were driving down interstate 35 towards our destination, I could no longer ignore the screaming in the backseat of my sporty new Buick. It was the oldest child having a freak attack because Moe had his fingers in his mouth and he was getting them all "slobbery" and putting them on the seat and the seat was now wet. We are at a loss trying to get him to keep his fingers out of his mouth. I have showed him pictures of disgusting bugs that could live on your fingers (most of the pictures are of filled up ticks and heart worms) and it doesn't matter. It doesn't even make him blink. Next, I have actually showed him pictures of warts... big disgusting warts. Nothing. So today, while driving he shrieks from the back seat that he is just trying to keep his tongue from falling out of his mouth. So we get it. We realize that is his fear. It isn't of bugs or worms or warts... he is seriously afraid if he doesn't hold his tongue in his mouth, it will fall out. This is good. Now I can work with him. Now I can explain how our tongues work. This will be easy now.
I'm going to give a shout out to the good Lord above and be thankful he was listening to me when I told the boys that we may see dinosaur bones at the Caverns. I know he was listening to me because when we pulled up to the parking lot, there were 3 awesome fun dinosaurs in the little park. A big "Mama" dinosaur, a middle dinosaur and a dinosaur egg with a little baby Dino's head poking out. This was awesome. Now I knew I wouldn't have to hope and pray we see a dinosaur bone... we had dinosaurs. YES!!!!!
We get to the tour spot to meet our tour guide. Moe is walking around getting in every one's pictures and we start walking down the little path to the entrance of the caverns. He kinda starts to freak out a little bit because he decides he doesn't want to go down that path. He doesn't want to go in the caverns at all. He starts getting a little freaked out when we decide there is no turning back. So, we get going in the caverns and as you all know, being in caverns has it pros and cons. The pros.... well we weren't going to lose the child because it is dark and he isn't going to step too far away from our side. The cons... well.... it is a THIRD DEGREE FELONY to touch anything in the caverns in the State of Texas. Because if the oils on your skin it will make the formations die and not ever grow again and basically throw off the balance of the cave. So... we are with Moe, in a dark cave and remember... he likes to slurp. I was waiting for him to slurp a big ole limestone formation and I was waiting to be hauled of to a Texas Jail. That would have been the highlight of the trip.
Moe has a very vivid imagination. He likes to tell stories. Some of his stories are very true. Some of his stories are a play off the truth and the rest are plain old stories. Today when we were in the caverns, 180 feet below the earth, in a rather dark part of the cavern, he decides he is going to ask his all time favorite question. I really think he asks this question when he knows he may get a rise out of the group of people standing around him. His question? It goes something along the lines of this:
"Mom, when are we going to see the dragons?" Yes. He asks that in places that only a 4 year old would think there would be dragons. A few months back, we went to the Portland Zoo, and when we were at an exhibit (and there were a ton of little kids standing an ear shot away from him) he asks if we can go see the baby dragons now? Of course most of the little kids heard him and either they are scared for life and are never going to another Zoo, or their parents think I am the crappiest mom that has ever walked the earth. A lot of the little kids that day really wanted to see the baby dragons. A few actually cried and threw a little fit when their parents said no. Of course, because I think it is wonderful for children to have a fabulous imagination, I said that we would see if the baby dragon exhibit was open. Thank the lord once again, it was. Those little tiny bats flying around in their little glass cage worked wonders for me that day. To bad some of the other parents didn't have the same intellect as me and march their kids to see the bats. So.... Because the "dragons" left the caves about 5000 years ago, we didnt get to see them... just what they left behind.
The Caverns went well today. It amazes me that I can tell my children that we are going to walk to the center of the earth and they are not bothered by that. I will tell you that if my parents would have done that to me, I would have needed extensive therapy years before I ever decided I needed therapy. I am waiting for the day when these children wake up and decide they may need to see a shrink. I will gladly dole out the money for it and let them know I told them the stories I did because it kept mommy sane. I figured it would be better to give them the money for therapy then to admit myself and have them grow up with out a mom.
I have another issue I need to tackle and that is figuring out how to tell Moe that he cant see a doctor to have his nose made like Mickey Mouse's. That is going to cause a complete breakdown. He is going to be broken hearted and I am sure a Therapist is going to charge me extra for that one.
1. Go to the San Antonio Zoo
2. Go to the Natural Bridge Caverns
3. Go to MacCallister Park for a bike ride
One boy decided the Zoo sounded great and the other boy thought a bike ride would be perfect. I was really hoping they would pick the Caverns. So I sort of helped them agree on the Caverns. I told them that we were going to walk to the center of the earth and we would most definitely see dinosaur bones. That did it. That was their decision. We piled in the car and off we drove 19 miles away from our cozy little apartment. Here are a few highlights on our little outing.
Our youngest child, known as Moe to a lot of his friends and family has taken up a nasty new habit of licking and sucking on his fingers. Oh Ok... not just his fingers. I have caught him with his whole hand in his mouth and an occasional toe. He loves to slurp and he will slurp your arm, leg, face... what ever he finds convenient to slurp. So today, when were driving down interstate 35 towards our destination, I could no longer ignore the screaming in the backseat of my sporty new Buick. It was the oldest child having a freak attack because Moe had his fingers in his mouth and he was getting them all "slobbery" and putting them on the seat and the seat was now wet. We are at a loss trying to get him to keep his fingers out of his mouth. I have showed him pictures of disgusting bugs that could live on your fingers (most of the pictures are of filled up ticks and heart worms) and it doesn't matter. It doesn't even make him blink. Next, I have actually showed him pictures of warts... big disgusting warts. Nothing. So today, while driving he shrieks from the back seat that he is just trying to keep his tongue from falling out of his mouth. So we get it. We realize that is his fear. It isn't of bugs or worms or warts... he is seriously afraid if he doesn't hold his tongue in his mouth, it will fall out. This is good. Now I can work with him. Now I can explain how our tongues work. This will be easy now.
I'm going to give a shout out to the good Lord above and be thankful he was listening to me when I told the boys that we may see dinosaur bones at the Caverns. I know he was listening to me because when we pulled up to the parking lot, there were 3 awesome fun dinosaurs in the little park. A big "Mama" dinosaur, a middle dinosaur and a dinosaur egg with a little baby Dino's head poking out. This was awesome. Now I knew I wouldn't have to hope and pray we see a dinosaur bone... we had dinosaurs. YES!!!!!
We get to the tour spot to meet our tour guide. Moe is walking around getting in every one's pictures and we start walking down the little path to the entrance of the caverns. He kinda starts to freak out a little bit because he decides he doesn't want to go down that path. He doesn't want to go in the caverns at all. He starts getting a little freaked out when we decide there is no turning back. So, we get going in the caverns and as you all know, being in caverns has it pros and cons. The pros.... well we weren't going to lose the child because it is dark and he isn't going to step too far away from our side. The cons... well.... it is a THIRD DEGREE FELONY to touch anything in the caverns in the State of Texas. Because if the oils on your skin it will make the formations die and not ever grow again and basically throw off the balance of the cave. So... we are with Moe, in a dark cave and remember... he likes to slurp. I was waiting for him to slurp a big ole limestone formation and I was waiting to be hauled of to a Texas Jail. That would have been the highlight of the trip.
Moe has a very vivid imagination. He likes to tell stories. Some of his stories are very true. Some of his stories are a play off the truth and the rest are plain old stories. Today when we were in the caverns, 180 feet below the earth, in a rather dark part of the cavern, he decides he is going to ask his all time favorite question. I really think he asks this question when he knows he may get a rise out of the group of people standing around him. His question? It goes something along the lines of this:
"Mom, when are we going to see the dragons?" Yes. He asks that in places that only a 4 year old would think there would be dragons. A few months back, we went to the Portland Zoo, and when we were at an exhibit (and there were a ton of little kids standing an ear shot away from him) he asks if we can go see the baby dragons now? Of course most of the little kids heard him and either they are scared for life and are never going to another Zoo, or their parents think I am the crappiest mom that has ever walked the earth. A lot of the little kids that day really wanted to see the baby dragons. A few actually cried and threw a little fit when their parents said no. Of course, because I think it is wonderful for children to have a fabulous imagination, I said that we would see if the baby dragon exhibit was open. Thank the lord once again, it was. Those little tiny bats flying around in their little glass cage worked wonders for me that day. To bad some of the other parents didn't have the same intellect as me and march their kids to see the bats. So.... Because the "dragons" left the caves about 5000 years ago, we didnt get to see them... just what they left behind.
The Caverns went well today. It amazes me that I can tell my children that we are going to walk to the center of the earth and they are not bothered by that. I will tell you that if my parents would have done that to me, I would have needed extensive therapy years before I ever decided I needed therapy. I am waiting for the day when these children wake up and decide they may need to see a shrink. I will gladly dole out the money for it and let them know I told them the stories I did because it kept mommy sane. I figured it would be better to give them the money for therapy then to admit myself and have them grow up with out a mom.
I have another issue I need to tackle and that is figuring out how to tell Moe that he cant see a doctor to have his nose made like Mickey Mouse's. That is going to cause a complete breakdown. He is going to be broken hearted and I am sure a Therapist is going to charge me extra for that one.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
My name is Cheri and I am a Hoarderphobic
I am surrounded by hoarders. How has my life become this? I am not a hoarder. As a matter of fact, I had a therapist tell me once that I had "Hoarding Tendencies" and I actually fired her from being my therapist. I am afraid of ever becoming a hoarder. I am afraid of all things hoarding. If I walked into your house even after knowing you for 1 hour, I would automatically start thinking in my little brain of what I would do to make your home more "Feng Shui". I have actually went into people houses and just started organizing their stuff, just in case they were thinking of becoming a hoarder.
I just was loading the dishwasher and decided to take a walk around the house to pick up any spare plates that may have run away with a spoon in the last 12 hours. I didn't find any plates, forks or spoons. What I found was much, much worse. There were THREE, count them, THREE glasses in my bathroom on the counter. Now, my belief is that counters are not made for "things". Counters were made so things looked pretty and put together. Things do not belong on counters. The glasses on the counter were not mine. I don't usually drink from anything that has been sitting in a bathroom. Especially a bathroom where anything thing from the male species has likely been. The glasses were "His". He likes to brush his teeth at night and then have a quick drink of water before bed. Weird, I know. I drives me crazy. Three glasses on the bathroom counter. What would Miss Manners think? I can tell you that Miss Manners would loose her mind. Miss Manners doesn't have glasses in the bathroom. She doesn't even have a water spot on the mirror. I am sure of this. How can you deem yourself Miss Manners and then have water spots?
After seeing the bathroom that I have to share with "Him", I asked him about it. He said nothing. Is this because he knows better and is afraid to answer me during one of my "No Hoarding on my watch" rages? Who knows. Well, He knows. I am sure of it. Maybe He is just smart. I mean, seriously, who talks back to someone on a rampage? (It wasn't really a rampage, just a small discussion, completely done by me.)
I proceeded to walk to the boys' bedroom and I just stood there in disbelief and shook my head. The oldest "J" likes to save things. Most of the things he likes to save are of no importance. They will mean nothing to him when he is older. I really try to save everything of his... but really, do I have to save the wrapper the tootsie pop can in? What about the box the Lego's came in? What? What is this? The plastic cap that came on the nose of the Styrofoam airplane that has no wings left because it crashed 30 seconds after you put it together and your brother ate the wings? Ya. We don't need to keep that. What about the dryer sheet that was found in the laundry basket after laundry was folded? It is currently covering up Mun chichi and Baby Puffer pants because they were cold. You cant just throw away Mun chichi and Baby Pufferpants' blanket. No you cant. Next stop...their bathroom. I walked out as quickly as I walked in. I walked in the living room and what do I see? I see the dog. He is a hoarder also. He has ripped the stuffing out of his lovable, ever so annoying squeaky toy and was actually sleeping on and in the pile of fluff he has just un-stuffed. That has to go into the garbage because I am sure when any of the boys get home from school they would find some way to use the fluff that came unstuffed from the squeaky toy.
Hoarders. Hoarders scare me. I am a Hoarderphobic. I am prejudice to all things that have the ability to be hoarded. There needs to be an end to hoarding, especially in my house.
I just was loading the dishwasher and decided to take a walk around the house to pick up any spare plates that may have run away with a spoon in the last 12 hours. I didn't find any plates, forks or spoons. What I found was much, much worse. There were THREE, count them, THREE glasses in my bathroom on the counter. Now, my belief is that counters are not made for "things". Counters were made so things looked pretty and put together. Things do not belong on counters. The glasses on the counter were not mine. I don't usually drink from anything that has been sitting in a bathroom. Especially a bathroom where anything thing from the male species has likely been. The glasses were "His". He likes to brush his teeth at night and then have a quick drink of water before bed. Weird, I know. I drives me crazy. Three glasses on the bathroom counter. What would Miss Manners think? I can tell you that Miss Manners would loose her mind. Miss Manners doesn't have glasses in the bathroom. She doesn't even have a water spot on the mirror. I am sure of this. How can you deem yourself Miss Manners and then have water spots?
After seeing the bathroom that I have to share with "Him", I asked him about it. He said nothing. Is this because he knows better and is afraid to answer me during one of my "No Hoarding on my watch" rages? Who knows. Well, He knows. I am sure of it. Maybe He is just smart. I mean, seriously, who talks back to someone on a rampage? (It wasn't really a rampage, just a small discussion, completely done by me.)
I proceeded to walk to the boys' bedroom and I just stood there in disbelief and shook my head. The oldest "J" likes to save things. Most of the things he likes to save are of no importance. They will mean nothing to him when he is older. I really try to save everything of his... but really, do I have to save the wrapper the tootsie pop can in? What about the box the Lego's came in? What? What is this? The plastic cap that came on the nose of the Styrofoam airplane that has no wings left because it crashed 30 seconds after you put it together and your brother ate the wings? Ya. We don't need to keep that. What about the dryer sheet that was found in the laundry basket after laundry was folded? It is currently covering up Mun chichi and Baby Puffer pants because they were cold. You cant just throw away Mun chichi and Baby Pufferpants' blanket. No you cant. Next stop...their bathroom. I walked out as quickly as I walked in. I walked in the living room and what do I see? I see the dog. He is a hoarder also. He has ripped the stuffing out of his lovable, ever so annoying squeaky toy and was actually sleeping on and in the pile of fluff he has just un-stuffed. That has to go into the garbage because I am sure when any of the boys get home from school they would find some way to use the fluff that came unstuffed from the squeaky toy.
Hoarders. Hoarders scare me. I am a Hoarderphobic. I am prejudice to all things that have the ability to be hoarded. There needs to be an end to hoarding, especially in my house.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
I just had an Epiphany. I haven't been able to pin point what my problems were lately. I have been down. I have been sad. I have felt lost. Then it came to me while microwaving the left over chow mien I found in the fridge. I LOVE PRETTY FOOD. I love making pretty food. I love making pretty plates of food. I love making pretty plates of food for my friends and family. I love everything about pretty food. I love making food that looks just like the picture. If it doesn't turn out just like the picture, I am usually really sad and I state in my head that I will do better next time. Usually the food I cook tastes good, I just like it to look picture perfect.
This epiphany comes at a time when I have no kitchen. Don't get me wrong. I have a place to cook meals for my family, but I don't have "kitchen". You know what I am talking about. Like the ones in the movies that sparkle and shine and seem big enough to land your private jet in. I don't have that kind of kitchen. I want one. I want to be able to pop a turkey in one of the ovens and let it roast for its 5 hours and have room to make a 7 tier wedding cake. Is that asking too much? Is it?
I want to decorate cakes with pearls and flowers and I want to make fun monster faces on big cookies. I want to drizzle salmon perfectly with home made hollandaise sauce and rosemary sprigs, stuffed pork chops with fluffy goodness. I want to make lasagna so when you serve it, it stays in one piece like in the Olive Garden commercials, perfectly basted ribs. I want to pour a cup of coffee and add the cream in a way that makes that perfect frothy circle. This is what I want. This is what I NEED.
There is only one problem. I have a picky family. I have a family of boys. Boys don't understand the meaning of pretty. The husband... well he eats about anything unless it is laced with olives of any color (he isn't prejudice) or mushrooms and he is pretty adamant about not eating anything unless it involves meat. The four year old... well, nothing he does is pretty. No matter what. Everything that comes in a 5 foot radius of him is a hot mess. He eats anything. He eats anything in epic quantities. He reminds me of a little chipmunk that is storing nuts for the winter. I have to remind him he is in fact a human and not a dinosaur and his bites should be somewhat smaller. Then there is the six year old. My perfect child. My perfect everything. Perfect in everything but eating... especially pretty food. His stance is "I don't like it. You know how I know? Because I have never had it.". He will eat pretty much anything out of box; Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (and he knows his Macs), Chicken Nuggets (preferably dinosaur chickens from Costco, even though since our move to Texas I have convinced him that Texas makes different chickens then Montana), Ball Park hot dogs (I know, right?) and the occasional fast food. One day he said he wanted Meatballs for dinner. You can imagine how happy I was that I was finally getting to make him something in my kitchen. I was so excited. I got all the stuff out to make meatballs and I got on it. I formed the balls and added spices with perfection. I placed them on a baking sheet and placed them in the oven. I then served them on his plate, in perfect order and he looked at me and asked what they were. I told him they were meatballs. He looked as if I had lost my mind. That was the day I realized meat balls in his mind were actually just browned hamburger. Who would have thought?
Needless to say, I have quit trying to impress my family with my cooking skills. I am hoping one day my children come home and want me to make them something on a plate that looks pretty. In the meantime I will just dream some more about making pretty food on pretty plates in my pretty kitchen. I can dream, right?
On a different note; who knew the "Hot Dog" Dance was actually sung by The Might Be Giants?
This epiphany comes at a time when I have no kitchen. Don't get me wrong. I have a place to cook meals for my family, but I don't have "kitchen". You know what I am talking about. Like the ones in the movies that sparkle and shine and seem big enough to land your private jet in. I don't have that kind of kitchen. I want one. I want to be able to pop a turkey in one of the ovens and let it roast for its 5 hours and have room to make a 7 tier wedding cake. Is that asking too much? Is it?
I want to decorate cakes with pearls and flowers and I want to make fun monster faces on big cookies. I want to drizzle salmon perfectly with home made hollandaise sauce and rosemary sprigs, stuffed pork chops with fluffy goodness. I want to make lasagna so when you serve it, it stays in one piece like in the Olive Garden commercials, perfectly basted ribs. I want to pour a cup of coffee and add the cream in a way that makes that perfect frothy circle. This is what I want. This is what I NEED.
There is only one problem. I have a picky family. I have a family of boys. Boys don't understand the meaning of pretty. The husband... well he eats about anything unless it is laced with olives of any color (he isn't prejudice) or mushrooms and he is pretty adamant about not eating anything unless it involves meat. The four year old... well, nothing he does is pretty. No matter what. Everything that comes in a 5 foot radius of him is a hot mess. He eats anything. He eats anything in epic quantities. He reminds me of a little chipmunk that is storing nuts for the winter. I have to remind him he is in fact a human and not a dinosaur and his bites should be somewhat smaller. Then there is the six year old. My perfect child. My perfect everything. Perfect in everything but eating... especially pretty food. His stance is "I don't like it. You know how I know? Because I have never had it.". He will eat pretty much anything out of box; Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (and he knows his Macs), Chicken Nuggets (preferably dinosaur chickens from Costco, even though since our move to Texas I have convinced him that Texas makes different chickens then Montana), Ball Park hot dogs (I know, right?) and the occasional fast food. One day he said he wanted Meatballs for dinner. You can imagine how happy I was that I was finally getting to make him something in my kitchen. I was so excited. I got all the stuff out to make meatballs and I got on it. I formed the balls and added spices with perfection. I placed them on a baking sheet and placed them in the oven. I then served them on his plate, in perfect order and he looked at me and asked what they were. I told him they were meatballs. He looked as if I had lost my mind. That was the day I realized meat balls in his mind were actually just browned hamburger. Who would have thought?
Needless to say, I have quit trying to impress my family with my cooking skills. I am hoping one day my children come home and want me to make them something on a plate that looks pretty. In the meantime I will just dream some more about making pretty food on pretty plates in my pretty kitchen. I can dream, right?
On a different note; who knew the "Hot Dog" Dance was actually sung by The Might Be Giants?
Monday, November 19, 2012
Mammograms & Elves. Really? It's 5 O'Clock in the Morning.
My mind works in mysterious ways. I woke up this morning at 2:25 A.M. I have so many thoughts going through my head right now... as with everyday. I try and sort through these thoughts one at a time and it just turns into a gigantic conundrum that turns my brain in to overdrive.
My first thought when I awoke this morning was how badly my boobs hurt. It isn't because I am going through any monthly cycle. That was taken care of a year and a half ago, which, by the way, was the best decision I have ever made to date. I just experienced what would have been my second mammogram. Let me say that there has to be a better way to screen for breast cancer. I can honestly say this time hurt way worse. I think it is because I am getting older and my pain tolerance is getting less and less as the years pass. Maybe it was because they took about 6 different angles on each boobie to get a good picture. Either way, they got pictures all the way into my under arms. The first time I had it done, they offered me a piece of chocolate when I was finished. This time, there was nothing. The Military is really cutting back. The radiologist that did my test was awesome as was the radiologist student (she was attending St. Philip's College here in San Antonio, so that was a sign). There was a point when I didn't think I was going to make it though. The part where they get your boobie all up in the "squisher" and then go back to press the button that takes the picture.... they ask you to "hold your breath". Ummmm, I started seeing stars. It was really for about 10 seconds but that 10 seconds seemed like a lifetime. Uggghhhh. It really seemed like the pretty lights shades covering the fluorescent lights on the ceiling were closing in on me. They then took me back to have a sonogram because I have been getting some swollen lymph nodes in my underarms. The Doctor that looked at all of my stuff was amazing and explained everything they would look for in the event of breast cancer. Everything on my tests looked great. No worries. I am chalking the swollen lymph nodes up to stress, a concept that tends to have a negative impact on one's mental and physical well-being, colds, anti-perspirant use and tattoo removal. The tattoo removal makes the most sense. All of that ink goes straight to your lymph system. But my boobs still hurt.
The next thing to enter my mind is the arrival of our newest family member. Currently his name is Elf. That will be changed as soon as the bundle of joy arrives to our little place in the South. The boys wanted a brother. This was the best I could do. No bottles, diapers, vomit and the investment was only $30.00 and a few minutes of my precisious time. Hmmmm, until the boys decide they need a baby sister and then they will both need clothes. They are quite excited about the arrival though. They ask me about it at the most inconvienant times also. I have been asked three times in the last week when I am due by teachers and one friend. When I tell them I am due in about 7 more sleeps, they look at me as if I havent eaten enough during my pregnancy. Dont get me wrong, Im not all size 5 or anything like that, but I definetly don't look 9 months pregnant. My children are going to need therapy. Especially the youngest. He is just like me. He is a believer. You tell him a story and he will go with that being the truth until the very last person on this earth has told him otherwise. I can remember some of the childhood stories my parents told me. A few that come to my mind... Big Rock Candy Mountain, how the hills get their "hump's, where Salt Water Taffy is made and how babies are made. I still believe in Big Rock Candy Mountain and I laugh everytime I see a big rolling hill. I remember the day I learned where babies are made. It was 4th grade. I could name names of who was with me on that dreaded day of Sex Ed. I was mortified. To say the least. I am afraid of the day when my oldest comes home from school knowing that he didn't just magically appear in my belly one day and then was born by just popping out of my belly button. I will be the first to admit I wish it was that easy. He keeps asking questions so I know the day isn't that far off. My youngest will never come home and ask. He will jump in the car of a complete stranger and ask how babies are made then ask that person to take him to the store to buy him a doughnut. That's how he rolls.
I'm not sure what is worse. Having the sex talk with your child or finding your child in a doughnut shop with a complete stranger. I keep telling the boys' father that he will be the one giving them "the talk". If we would have had girls, the tables would be turned. I am so thankful we don't have girls. Well, I wasn't thankful yesterday walking past a girls clothing store called Justice. Furry boots, sparkly shirts, ruffly skirts and feathery scarves. I have never wanted to be 10 again in my entire life.
I am all for the Elf. Maybe I will keep him around all year long. Maybe he will keep the boys in check for Santa. Maybe, just maybe I can have one more year of innocence where the boys' believe in everything I tell them. Hmmm. We will see. I do know that in the 25 days before christmas, I am going to have a blast using my list of "101 Elf ideas".
My first thought when I awoke this morning was how badly my boobs hurt. It isn't because I am going through any monthly cycle. That was taken care of a year and a half ago, which, by the way, was the best decision I have ever made to date. I just experienced what would have been my second mammogram. Let me say that there has to be a better way to screen for breast cancer. I can honestly say this time hurt way worse. I think it is because I am getting older and my pain tolerance is getting less and less as the years pass. Maybe it was because they took about 6 different angles on each boobie to get a good picture. Either way, they got pictures all the way into my under arms. The first time I had it done, they offered me a piece of chocolate when I was finished. This time, there was nothing. The Military is really cutting back. The radiologist that did my test was awesome as was the radiologist student (she was attending St. Philip's College here in San Antonio, so that was a sign). There was a point when I didn't think I was going to make it though. The part where they get your boobie all up in the "squisher" and then go back to press the button that takes the picture.... they ask you to "hold your breath". Ummmm, I started seeing stars. It was really for about 10 seconds but that 10 seconds seemed like a lifetime. Uggghhhh. It really seemed like the pretty lights shades covering the fluorescent lights on the ceiling were closing in on me. They then took me back to have a sonogram because I have been getting some swollen lymph nodes in my underarms. The Doctor that looked at all of my stuff was amazing and explained everything they would look for in the event of breast cancer. Everything on my tests looked great. No worries. I am chalking the swollen lymph nodes up to stress, a concept that tends to have a negative impact on one's mental and physical well-being, colds, anti-perspirant use and tattoo removal. The tattoo removal makes the most sense. All of that ink goes straight to your lymph system. But my boobs still hurt.
The next thing to enter my mind is the arrival of our newest family member. Currently his name is Elf. That will be changed as soon as the bundle of joy arrives to our little place in the South. The boys wanted a brother. This was the best I could do. No bottles, diapers, vomit and the investment was only $30.00 and a few minutes of my precisious time. Hmmmm, until the boys decide they need a baby sister and then they will both need clothes. They are quite excited about the arrival though. They ask me about it at the most inconvienant times also. I have been asked three times in the last week when I am due by teachers and one friend. When I tell them I am due in about 7 more sleeps, they look at me as if I havent eaten enough during my pregnancy. Dont get me wrong, Im not all size 5 or anything like that, but I definetly don't look 9 months pregnant. My children are going to need therapy. Especially the youngest. He is just like me. He is a believer. You tell him a story and he will go with that being the truth until the very last person on this earth has told him otherwise. I can remember some of the childhood stories my parents told me. A few that come to my mind... Big Rock Candy Mountain, how the hills get their "hump's, where Salt Water Taffy is made and how babies are made. I still believe in Big Rock Candy Mountain and I laugh everytime I see a big rolling hill. I remember the day I learned where babies are made. It was 4th grade. I could name names of who was with me on that dreaded day of Sex Ed. I was mortified. To say the least. I am afraid of the day when my oldest comes home from school knowing that he didn't just magically appear in my belly one day and then was born by just popping out of my belly button. I will be the first to admit I wish it was that easy. He keeps asking questions so I know the day isn't that far off. My youngest will never come home and ask. He will jump in the car of a complete stranger and ask how babies are made then ask that person to take him to the store to buy him a doughnut. That's how he rolls.
I'm not sure what is worse. Having the sex talk with your child or finding your child in a doughnut shop with a complete stranger. I keep telling the boys' father that he will be the one giving them "the talk". If we would have had girls, the tables would be turned. I am so thankful we don't have girls. Well, I wasn't thankful yesterday walking past a girls clothing store called Justice. Furry boots, sparkly shirts, ruffly skirts and feathery scarves. I have never wanted to be 10 again in my entire life.
I am all for the Elf. Maybe I will keep him around all year long. Maybe he will keep the boys in check for Santa. Maybe, just maybe I can have one more year of innocence where the boys' believe in everything I tell them. Hmmm. We will see. I do know that in the 25 days before christmas, I am going to have a blast using my list of "101 Elf ideas".
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Flu bugs and Med Spas.....
Today, for the second day in a row, I have a sick child at home. He kept complaining about his belly hurting for the last few days. Yesterday was the fever. Today is the fun stuff. He has about 2 more hours to feel better before I take him into the Dr.
Yesterday was my day to find a job. I went to a few places in San Antonio, I put a few miles on my car. I went everywhere. There were a few places I couldn't find due to my navigator being... fractious. At one point when Lola told me "My destination was on the right", I looked over and to my right was a train, going down a track. On the left was a golf course. The Medical Spa I was trying to find was no where in the vicinity. That happened a few times yesterday. The funnest place I went to was one of my first choices while searching online. Let's just say, I was heading down the interstate and I realized "Lola" was taking me straight to the Inner City. I know that seems weird for San Antonio, but there is a few blocks of Inner City happening down there. It is bizarre. So I pull into the parking lot, which was dirt and rocks and pot holes, and there was a Teen Pregnancy and STD center. Next to that was a baby item store, an OBGYN and then the Medical Spa. Oh and the little center shared a parking lot with some sort of bus depot thing. So I get that having an OBGYN in the same place as a Medical Spa is pretty cool, but I have instincts and my instincts told me that if I ended up working there that one day after work I would go to the parking spot I parked my car in and it would be gone. It may be the nicest place in the world to work, but I'm not that desperate, yet!
I am hoping to get a call back from one of the places I put my resume in at. It is a cute little place, in my favorite part of town, close to my house and next to my favorite coffee shops in San Antonio. I hope I get a call. I have never prayed so much in my life for something.
I am not having much of a sense of humor lately. I am tired. I think I have a bug. I have been emotional and tired. I will have a fun story Friday, though, because I have to have a mammogram. Those always seem to bring out the humor in everyone. Hopefully by then my "Children of the Candy Corn" will be feeling better.
I have to run. The number 2 "Children of the Corn" will be home from school soon. I hope his back pack is empty. He informed me the other day that he would like a pet cock roach. Ugh. I can tell you all right now, Pet Cock Roaches are not in my future. Hedge Hogs, Guinea Pigs, Hamsters, Chickens.... NOT COCK ROACHES.
Yesterday was my day to find a job. I went to a few places in San Antonio, I put a few miles on my car. I went everywhere. There were a few places I couldn't find due to my navigator being... fractious. At one point when Lola told me "My destination was on the right", I looked over and to my right was a train, going down a track. On the left was a golf course. The Medical Spa I was trying to find was no where in the vicinity. That happened a few times yesterday. The funnest place I went to was one of my first choices while searching online. Let's just say, I was heading down the interstate and I realized "Lola" was taking me straight to the Inner City. I know that seems weird for San Antonio, but there is a few blocks of Inner City happening down there. It is bizarre. So I pull into the parking lot, which was dirt and rocks and pot holes, and there was a Teen Pregnancy and STD center. Next to that was a baby item store, an OBGYN and then the Medical Spa. Oh and the little center shared a parking lot with some sort of bus depot thing. So I get that having an OBGYN in the same place as a Medical Spa is pretty cool, but I have instincts and my instincts told me that if I ended up working there that one day after work I would go to the parking spot I parked my car in and it would be gone. It may be the nicest place in the world to work, but I'm not that desperate, yet!
I am hoping to get a call back from one of the places I put my resume in at. It is a cute little place, in my favorite part of town, close to my house and next to my favorite coffee shops in San Antonio. I hope I get a call. I have never prayed so much in my life for something.
I am not having much of a sense of humor lately. I am tired. I think I have a bug. I have been emotional and tired. I will have a fun story Friday, though, because I have to have a mammogram. Those always seem to bring out the humor in everyone. Hopefully by then my "Children of the Candy Corn" will be feeling better.
I have to run. The number 2 "Children of the Corn" will be home from school soon. I hope his back pack is empty. He informed me the other day that he would like a pet cock roach. Ugh. I can tell you all right now, Pet Cock Roaches are not in my future. Hedge Hogs, Guinea Pigs, Hamsters, Chickens.... NOT COCK ROACHES.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Who knows what LASER stands for?
Sitting at my computer with my coffee in hand in my little tiny apartment in the South. It just feels right.
On October 5, 2012 I kissed my babies goodbye and got on an airplane. Destination? Arizona. I was pretty nervous but I was going to do something that I NEEDED to do for me. I had applied to go to The National Laser Institute to receive my certification in Laser Skin Rejuvenation and Hair Reduction. I haven't been in school in 20 years so this was going to be really new for me. Granted, the school was only 15 days long, but it was a lot of information to take in in such a short period of time.
I landed at the Phoenix Airport and decided to grab something to eat since I couldn't get my rental car until 9:00 that morning. I was kinda flustered because I didn't have two little boys with me that I needed to worry about. I was alone. I had no one to look after and no one that needed me. It was kind of refreshing for a change but I was out of sorts. I was looking forward to a fun filled day with one of my best friends, Dorothy. Her and her family were staying at Arizona Grand for an extended weekend of relaxation and water fun. Dorothy, Steve, Jaycee and I had a super fun time and I stayed with them until Sunday evening, got in my rental (that is another story) and headed North to Tempe to unpack at the place I was staying. I decided to take a drive up to Scottsdale to see where the school was at just to get my bearings.
Rise and shine. Monday at 5:00 in the morning. I didn't know how long it would take me with traffic to get to the school. I needed coffee too. I was way ahead of time. I arrived at the school at 8:00 am. School didn't start until 9:00 am. At this point I was so nervous I couldn't stand it. I went in and picked out my chair, which I would be sitting at for the next 5 days. There weren't many people in there yet, but the place was filling up. 28 Students later.... I am sitting between 2 women. The one on my left didn't have very good English and the other was from Salem, Oregon so I could relate to her Pacific Northwest Attitude. I ended up buddying up with the one I could barely understand. Margarita. She is from Acapulco. She was the sweetest lady, and she is an awesome cook. I helped her when she didn't understand something. She helped me when I didn't understand something. We didn't end up being in a group in the Spa together but we would see each other in passing and would have lunch on most of the days.
By Tuesday afternoon I was pretty sure I had made a mistake at even attempting doing this school. I was a nervous wreck. The school costs $10,440.00 and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to afford it again. So much talk about laser this, laser that. By the end of the school day my brain was mush and I was hungry. I met up with Sara (Matt's cousin) and her cute friend Paul at a cute little place called FEZ. It is downtown Phoenix. I loved it.
The week progressed and by Friday I was (along with everyone in the classroom) ready to get into the Medical Spa and see exactly how things happen. Saturday morning we were split up into our groups. I was split into a group of 6 for that day. Karen, Kelly, Kris, Chelsea, Jennifer and myself. On Sunday our group of 6 was split into groups of three. My group then was Kelly from Canada, Kris From The Valley (Phoenix) and myself. Little did we all three know how much fun we were going to have for the next 9 nine days. We bonded. We laughed, cried and learned together. We were our little group. No drama. We all had the same goal. Get this certification and get back home to our families and get out in the working world.
I am one lucky person. I went to Scottsdale in search of an education and what I received back was well worth the money and time spent. I received a certification in something that I love doing and I met some new life long friends. I got to come home to my beautiful family, in a city I love living in, in an apartment that only takes me 37 minutes to clean. I had an experience of a lifetime. I am so glad I did it. The timing was right, as it was with alot of the other people I was there with. It just makes me so happy that I accomplished something. It makes me happy that I have some awesome new friends and places to travel to. I can honestly say this was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
The instructors at NLI were all phenomenal. They all came from different walks of life and they all had a story to tell. This school was built because someone refused to give up his dreams. Because of this he has a awesome group of people fulfilling their dreams and making other peoples dreams come true.
Oh and by the way, LASER stands for Light Amplification by a Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
On October 5, 2012 I kissed my babies goodbye and got on an airplane. Destination? Arizona. I was pretty nervous but I was going to do something that I NEEDED to do for me. I had applied to go to The National Laser Institute to receive my certification in Laser Skin Rejuvenation and Hair Reduction. I haven't been in school in 20 years so this was going to be really new for me. Granted, the school was only 15 days long, but it was a lot of information to take in in such a short period of time.
I landed at the Phoenix Airport and decided to grab something to eat since I couldn't get my rental car until 9:00 that morning. I was kinda flustered because I didn't have two little boys with me that I needed to worry about. I was alone. I had no one to look after and no one that needed me. It was kind of refreshing for a change but I was out of sorts. I was looking forward to a fun filled day with one of my best friends, Dorothy. Her and her family were staying at Arizona Grand for an extended weekend of relaxation and water fun. Dorothy, Steve, Jaycee and I had a super fun time and I stayed with them until Sunday evening, got in my rental (that is another story) and headed North to Tempe to unpack at the place I was staying. I decided to take a drive up to Scottsdale to see where the school was at just to get my bearings.
Rise and shine. Monday at 5:00 in the morning. I didn't know how long it would take me with traffic to get to the school. I needed coffee too. I was way ahead of time. I arrived at the school at 8:00 am. School didn't start until 9:00 am. At this point I was so nervous I couldn't stand it. I went in and picked out my chair, which I would be sitting at for the next 5 days. There weren't many people in there yet, but the place was filling up. 28 Students later.... I am sitting between 2 women. The one on my left didn't have very good English and the other was from Salem, Oregon so I could relate to her Pacific Northwest Attitude. I ended up buddying up with the one I could barely understand. Margarita. She is from Acapulco. She was the sweetest lady, and she is an awesome cook. I helped her when she didn't understand something. She helped me when I didn't understand something. We didn't end up being in a group in the Spa together but we would see each other in passing and would have lunch on most of the days.
By Tuesday afternoon I was pretty sure I had made a mistake at even attempting doing this school. I was a nervous wreck. The school costs $10,440.00 and I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be able to afford it again. So much talk about laser this, laser that. By the end of the school day my brain was mush and I was hungry. I met up with Sara (Matt's cousin) and her cute friend Paul at a cute little place called FEZ. It is downtown Phoenix. I loved it.
The week progressed and by Friday I was (along with everyone in the classroom) ready to get into the Medical Spa and see exactly how things happen. Saturday morning we were split up into our groups. I was split into a group of 6 for that day. Karen, Kelly, Kris, Chelsea, Jennifer and myself. On Sunday our group of 6 was split into groups of three. My group then was Kelly from Canada, Kris From The Valley (Phoenix) and myself. Little did we all three know how much fun we were going to have for the next 9 nine days. We bonded. We laughed, cried and learned together. We were our little group. No drama. We all had the same goal. Get this certification and get back home to our families and get out in the working world.
I am one lucky person. I went to Scottsdale in search of an education and what I received back was well worth the money and time spent. I received a certification in something that I love doing and I met some new life long friends. I got to come home to my beautiful family, in a city I love living in, in an apartment that only takes me 37 minutes to clean. I had an experience of a lifetime. I am so glad I did it. The timing was right, as it was with alot of the other people I was there with. It just makes me so happy that I accomplished something. It makes me happy that I have some awesome new friends and places to travel to. I can honestly say this was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
The instructors at NLI were all phenomenal. They all came from different walks of life and they all had a story to tell. This school was built because someone refused to give up his dreams. Because of this he has a awesome group of people fulfilling their dreams and making other peoples dreams come true.
Oh and by the way, LASER stands for Light Amplification by a Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
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